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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Things They Don't Tell You in the Seminar, Part 3

Y'all are the only ones who could appreciate this horror story. So I was out to lunch today at a BBQ place. Their lean turkey and a small serving of cole slaw hadn't been a problem before. But the turkey seemed on the dry side today, and the cole slaw was requiring a lot of chewing. Right when I decided I'd had enough, I got stuck. Of course. I was having a hard time on the short drive back to the office, bad chest pain. I never PB (at least I don't think so, I figure I'd notice) but I do slime. This time, it felt like I was going to PB. I was trying desperately to get back to the office and run to the bathroom to slime in semi-privacy. But, before I could even make it to my parking place, I coughed up a handfull of slime. Like everywhere. Oh, and did I mention my guy friend from work was in the car with me? Which was handy, when I needed someone to reach into the glove compartment to get me some kleenex. (As if mere kleenex would help? Why don't I have a towel when I need one?) Luckily, he knows about the lap band, but I don't think he was familiar with the graphic details. Well, he is now.

16 comments:

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    1. Something to look forward to, right?

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  2. oh no...I had that happen to me ONCE. I thought I could capture it in my hand....I had no idea the human body could produce so much slime....lol!

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  3. ROTFLOL at the graphic for this!! Thank you for a very clear description, truly. Never had one that clear before. :-D

    (And sorry for your unfortunate incident...but glad you retained your humor. :-D)

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    1. I'm super helpful like that. Pro-tip: keep boxes of kleenex in the car :-)

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  4. You better kiss coleslaw goodbye. One of my worst episodes ever began with coleslaw...OY!

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    1. I don't think I'll be attempting it again anytime soon.

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  5. Been there, done that :) My first week at my current school I was on a field trip with my students. I totally puked/slimed into my purse in the van on the way back to the school. Thankfully, I was in the back seat with an autistic child who was nonverbal...she never said a word to anyone about it :)

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    1. I remember reading that on your blog! If only I'd made it into the purse instead of on the purse.

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  6. Oy! I have always made it to the restroom (only happened a few times) but I have ALWAYS worried about this happening on a date... wouldn't that be awkward? :)

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    1. It was horrifying. So glad I don't date anymore!

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  7. Ya'll are scaring me! I am NOT looking forward to the first time this happens, LOL!

    I hope your friend didn't get too weirded out :)

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    1. It's possible it can be avoided if you're the most careful eater in the history of banded people.
      He's probably scarred for life :-)

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  8. if it is on the dry side skip it! I learned that in a similar way!!! :)

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  9. Oh, this made me cringe in sympathy. So far I have always made it to a bathroom--but I know there may come a day when I will not. I hope your friend isn't too traumatized--or you either!

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