I am still super tight, so it's hard to even feel good about being on track with weight loss. I was able to eat a soupy chili for lunch yesterday, but couldn't finish my usual amount. Then, I had rice with dinner, which was a mistake, but I didn't get stuck. But also wasn't able to eat the usual amount. Then I had ice cream. Because what's better when you're tight than slider foods?
This morning, I was an idiot, and tried to take my morning pills again. I take three morning pills, all of which are tiny. I've taken morning pills since I was a teenager (when I was diagnosed hypothyroid) and this is such an ingrained habit that I didn't even think about it. I've been able to do this the entire eight months (oh hi, forgot to do an eight month update!) that I've been banded. So, I got horribly stuck again. ON A ZYRTEC tablet. And yet again, I'm terrified to eat breakfast, and even cold liquids are going down SLOWLY. I know that I have been pretty lucky while I've been banded, that I've always been able to take my morning pills, and I've always been able to eat breakfast. But to me, that's how the band is supposed to work. I'm supposed to be able to eat and drink everything I need to, and I'm just not supposed to get hungry as often.
I called the lap band clinic to see about the possibility of a slight unfill today, which I did not have high hopes for. They don't do fills on Fridays. They did let me speak with one of the nurses (not the overly aggressive fill one) and she said that if I were to come in today, they have no x-ray tech on duty, so they'd be flying blind and would basically treat it like a dilated esophagus and remove a lot (if not all) of the fluid. If I wait until Monday morning, they can get me in, take an x-ray, and do a barium swallow to make sure everything is okay. Then, if it is, they can just remove a small amount of fluid. Which is, of course, what I want. She advised me to stay on fluids all weekend. Which is NOT what I want. I'll probably comply for the morning, but try solids for lunch and dinner. Otherwise, I'm either going to eat nothing but ice cream, or gnaw my arm off. I'm freaking hungry.
Mostly, I'm just mad at myself. I need to trust my instincts more, especially when it comes to my body. I really felt like .1 was all that I needed to get back to the satiety that I had before. I let the NP talk me into .2, since she thought I could even handle .3. I'm glad that at least I compromised. If I'd had .3, I probably wouldn't be able to get any solids down. As it is, I'm sad that I've lost the ability to eat breakfast, which was a cornerstone of my daily protein plan. And since I'm borderline OCD and a control freak, I hate that I can't fix this myself.